Sunday night drama: X-factor Australia

Sunday is the Great Australian TV-night. That’s when all the best shows are on like ”Modern Family” and some interesting reality TV shows like ”The Bachelor” and ”X-Factor Australia”. The Daughters and I watched ”The Bachelor” on two occasions but that was so embarrassing I couldn’t continue watching. Sure, the bachelor is a handsome fellow and the girls are mostly beautiful ladies but gosh how desperately they throw themselves at him. Several times I had to look away as it was too painful to watch how little dignity some of the girls have. Besides, my husband is refusing to watch ”The Bachelor” and if we want his company, we have to find something else to watch on TV. Instead, we are watching another reality show – ”X-factor Australia”. This year my daughters are taking an eager interest in the show as one of the hopeful acts are a Swedish boy band called JTR, consisting of three handsome brothers. They also happen to be our friend’s nephews so the daughters’ interest is not purely patriotic. Unfortunately the Swedish boys have not really appealed to the Australian audience as they have been in the bottom-two these past two weeks. This has lead to some serious dramatic scenes in our living room; my eldest daughter gets very stressed when the judges are building up the suspension to see who gets voted off and starts crying, I suffer when I see my daughter crying and I try to comfort her and her tears make me cry out of sympathy for her upset emotions. Youngest daughter gets affected by seeing her sister and mother crying their eyes out so she starts crying too. My husband sits helplessly watching his girls with tears streaming down their cheeks. Luckily the Swedish boy band has managed to hang on so far so the sadness is quickly turned in to happiness again. I am very sensitive and very emotional and I often cry when I watch something emotional on TV. After 16 years with me my husband is used to my tears. ”You’re the only one I know who cries to Masterchef” he says. As my daughters note very often: ”Mom’s crying again”. Yes I am, I’m empathetic and compassionate and those are good qualities. I will proudly keep on crying to the reality shows on TV. 

How to deal with sloppy neighbors

It’s been a while since I have had time to sit down and contemplate on life’s tribulations and joys but now I actually have not only a few minutes over, I also have something to talk about.

As I have mentioned before, we live in an estate with quite many townhouses. A townhouse is according to the dictionary a ”modern, 2- or 3-storey house build as one of a group of similar houses”. I admit, I hardly know any of the neighbors and people don’t really seem to say hello or talk to each other either. In the house that is facing my kitchen window, lives a Chinese family consisting of father, mother, a son in his twenties and a teenage daughter. I only see them as they leave their house or when they walk around in their intimates in their living room at night with the ceiling spotlights on – which they do every night I happen to look out the window. They never take care of the flowerbed in front of their house and they cannot be bothered to remove the newspapers and what not in their mailbox. This means the front of their house looks like a suburban version of Angkor Wat and their junk mail is scattered by the wind – often landing in our flowerbed. This is very irritating to say the least. One of our former neighbors had enough one day, collected their papers in a bag and threw in front of their door where it lay for several days before anyone in the household even took notice of it and eventually removed it.

 Last week I was on the phone with a neighbor and I was looking out the kitchen window and saw the husband. He was blowing his nose in a tissue and when he was done he simply threw it into the bushes in the flowerbed and went inside. I was chocked, appalled but not speechless as I re-told the event to my neighbor on the phone. ”I know what to do” I told her. Soon the entire Chinese family appeared and left in the car. I wrote a note that said ”USE THE RUBBISH BIN!!!” and stapled it onto a plastic bag. With my kitchen gloves I went out and collected the Chinese residue, pulled out all the newspapers and flyers that were jammed into their mailbox and put it all in the bag that I dumped on their doorstep. The next morning the bag had vanished. Let us hope that they will take care of their own garbage and use the rubbish bin in the future. If not, they can count on the Neighborhood Vigilance – me - to point out that they are misconducting. 

Our house where I can keep a watchful eye on the neighbors from the generous windows.

Election campaigning the Aussie way

These are busy times in Australia, the election is coming up in a few weeks. Almost every channel is showing political programs, TV-debates and interviews with the two major candidates for the job as the Australian prime minister; the current minister Kevin Rudd – leader of the Labor party – and Tony Abbott – leader of the Coallition. I can’t say I take much interest in Australian politics and as a non-Australian citizen I’m not allowed to vote. What I have noted is that in order to be a politician in Australia, you must have a very thick skin. The ad campaigns on TV are not about sending out messages on what the parties stand for and what changes they will implement if elected. Instead they are attacking the leader of the opposite party. Picture this: a photo of Kevin Rudd and a list of things he has done wrong, a serious voice is reading: ”last time Kevin Rudd was prime minister, he increased the debt of Australia by xx million dollars every day. He also blahblahblah...”. At the end of the ad, a voice is urging people to vote for Tony Abbott. Kevin Rudd said that he wanted a nice and friendly campaign and since a couple of days his TV campaign shows a mother chopping fruit in her kitchen, the kids sitting at the table. She’s looking a little haggard and talks into the camera, asking Mr Abbott what he intends to about certain things; ”you who always used to be so angry, negative and aggressive. Why have you gone so quiet Mr Abbott?” she demands to know.                    

On Thursday I was watching a great news program on channel Ten called ”The Project”. I always enjoy watching this show but especially yesterday as my celebrity crush Dr. Chris Brown was one of the guest hosts. He was wearing a suit and a tie and interviewing K-Rudd’s 30-something daughter over video chat. He was more handsome than ever and Miss Rudd was clearly not unaffected by him. Her smile would have gone all the way to the back of her head if her ears hadn’t been there to stop it. She giggled like a little school girl and was blushing – which I didn’t when I met him nine days, 22 hours and thirty-seven minutes ago. I kept my cool, I even mentioned my husband. Slightly in passing, sure, but still, I did mention my husband.

Earlier this week, Tony Abbott made new headlines by introducing Lindsay Scott, one of his candidates,  as ”young, feisty and having a bit of sex appeal”. Of course this comment created a media storm with many upset people protesting. One of the more unusual protests came from another politician whose name I didn’t catch. He was indeed upset about Mr Abbott’s comment about Miss Scott and exclaimed somewhat revolted: ”how can Tony Abbott say she has a bit of a sex appeal?! I’ve seen her up close and I don’t think she has any sex appeal at all!!!”.

Mr Abbott delivering his now (in-)famous introduction to Ms Scott on ABC news

And so the election campaign and the mudslinging continue in Australia. I know who I think would make an excellent prime minister in Australia: Dr Chris Brown; he has a university degree, he’s well-spoken, animal- and environmental friendly, he’s healthy, handsome and he has a great deal of sex appeal. Just what the Australians want in the politicians, right?

Dr Chris has it all! He will always get my vote...

A place to call my own please!

Every Friday I watch a TV-show called ”The Living Room”. It is a one-hour show led by Amanda who has the gift of gab and with her in her sofa she has Barry – an attractive DIY-pro (”do-it-yourself” that means, it is very popular to do everything in your home by yourself), Dr Chris – a handsome vet and my celebrity crush and Miguel – a hot, Spanish chef. Sometimes they have a hot doctor on the show as well but that is totally irrelevant to what I want to talk about today. I want to direct my attention to Barry the Handy Man. On every show, he is helping couples or families to fix their home and often he is fixing a so called ”man cave” where the husband can withdraw and have his things the way he wants. Wikipedia defines it as ”A man cave (also sometimes called "mantuary") is a male sanctuary, such as a specially equipped garage, spare bedroom, media room, den, or basement”. In Australia, you can sometimes find a guesthouse or a separate apartment with a house and this is referred to as a ”granny flat”. I am not going to get all feminist about the different naming of the areas; in America they call a sleeveless shirt a ”wife beater” which is not a very flattering name either.

The high-light of my TV-week, courtesy of Channel 10.

Back to my topic: the Man Cave. Why do only men need a place of their own? I would very much like to have a place of my own – preferably away from our house, where I can keep my things and I don’t have to share with anybody and even better, where I don’t have to pick up after anyone but myself. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want to escape my family on a permanent basis – only every now and then. In the ten minutes this has taken me to write, I’ve had two visits from my husband and one from eldest daughter – the latter informing me that she will be joining me in a little while. She is teasing her sister as I write this and I can hear that there are some upset feelings being displayed. With my personal space – let us call it ”Lady Retreat” I would not only get some peace and quiet, I wouldn’t have to get irritated over having to pick up after the others. I could keep most of my clothes, shoes and accessories there. My daughters have the same shoe size as me and often they take my shoes and I am currently deprived of all my casual shoes like runners, sneakers and hiking shoes – leaving me only my Easytones from Reebok (eldest just opened the door again and asked what I was doing). Very often, our bedroom serves as the girls’ hang out, they make their music videos in there and use our bed as acrobatic mattress and trampoline. My closet is used as their dress-up room and my clothes as their outfits for their videos.

On the door into my closet

I could probably elaborate my dream of a ”Lady Retreat” even further but with the daughters dancing and jumping upstairs – the agitated screams are replaced by high-pitch laughter – I cannot really concentrate. It is Sunday evening and tomorrow is a normal day with girls in school and husband at work and I am all alone at home. That’ll do as ”Lady Retreat”, that’ll do... 

Let's talk about the weather!

We Swedes have a compulsory urge to talk about the weather. Much of our social life and wellbeing is depending on the weather; if it is nice and sunny during the summer we are living our lives outside, the warmth of the sun is cheering us up and giving us a nice tan making us look fresh. Right now it’s summer in the northern hemisphere and winter here. Yesterday it was nice, sunny and I could sit outside whilst studying for an upcoming exam. Today it’s rainy, windy and I am sitting inside freezing and somewhat feeling sorry for myself. Because of the proximity to the South Pole, the weather in Melbourne is very varied and known to have ”four seasons in one day”. If the weather is not to our pleasure, the Melbournians say ”wait a minute” as it might very well change within the coming minutes.

                                        Sunshine, where art thou?

As it is winter, albeit a mild one, we are not spending anytime at the beach nor in light clothes. I am not spending much time outside at all during this season, despite the Swedish belief that ”there is no bad weather, just wrong clothes”. I was video talking to a dear friend who is currently in Sweden. ”There’s something wrong with the setting on my computer” she said ”or perhaps it’s the light in your room? You look so pale you’re almost white”. ”Nothing’s wrong, it’s my natural winter skin” I said and we had a good laugh about it.

With the weather being cold, I am craving for warm, hearty food and hot, green tea. It’s been many years since I’ve cooked winter dishes and it is great fun to come up with new recipes and trying out new things. I’ve cooked Shepard’s pie, Chicken Roast and Pork roast as a tribute to our new home country and all with good results too. With storms and heavy rain come power cuts and I have just spent an hour without electricity, the last 15 minutes with the construction site manager in our pitch black garage with him showing me how to open the garage manually. Luckily the power came back but now I know how to get my car out should I be without electricity when I need to pick up the daughters in school. Each day I learn something new and useful is a good day so despite all the rain and wind, today is a good day too.

Daughters' Winter favorites: Sloppy Joe's

Queen of Shopping has abdicated

It has finally happened! I always knew it would happen some day, but maybe not just yet... Here it is:  I cannot keep up with my daughters at the shopping mall anymore. Two days in a row in stores and shops for tweenies and teenagers is apparently too much for me and on both days I was the one looking at the watch, rolling my eyes and asking to go home. I am no longer the uncrowned queen of shopping, I am a reluctant lady-in-waiting and that is really what I do, I wait. Outside the dressing room to give my daughters my opinion on the clothes they’re trying on, I am waiting in the store and sometimes outside the store when I am really demonstrating how uninteresting the shop is on a late Friday afternoon to middle-aged woman who only wants to go home, make dinner, have a glass of wine and almost fall asleep on the sofa, preferably in the arms of my husband but that doesn’t happen anymore. We are two adults in our 40’s of Scandinavian built and we both hold comfort before romance when it comes to sofa time. As a lady-in-waiting I do not only wait for my girls as in ”sticking around while the daughters are doing something” I also wait upon them as in ”serving them, assisting them and carry their bags”. I am not paying all the time, the girls have a weekly allowance and they have been very good at saving their money. Now the girls wanted to see if they could find something to spend their money on. Clearly I have not raised my daughters to become ”impulsive shoppers”. They really take their time, they are browsing, trying on, going back to the shops several times before deciding. I realize what my darling husband has had to put up with for one and a half decade now.

Just a regular Friday in a Melbournian suburb 

I was alone with the Daughters on Friday at the fashionable mall Chadstone, on Saturday the Husband joined us for the shopping spree at Southland, conveniently located only five minutes drive from our home. He has worked up quite a stamina after all these years with me and managed to keep up his good mood for the four hours we spent at the mall. I admit, I was tired after two but my attempt to get the Husband’s support and sympathy was in vain. I had to pull myself together and try my very best to keep up with my enthusiastic daughters. A total of seven hours of mall time this weekend did not leave the Daughters empty handed, youngest daughter bought a sleeveless jeans dress and a sweater with a peace sign and eldest daughter got herself a pair of black Dr Martens. I reckon they are pretty set now and we won’t be spending the weekend at the mall any time soon... 

From Ecco-sandals for babies to Dr Martens.... when did that happen?!

Movie genre: Shark horror!

Australia is famous for its great variety in animals, from the cute and cuddly koalas and the curious looking kangaroos to hungry crocodiles and dangerous sharks. With the summer season coming in a couple of months, my husband decided to read up a little about the sharks in Australia. He informed me that the probability to drown in Australia is 1/30,000 while a shark attack is only 1/300,000. My husband knows that I am very skeptical towards sharks and do not believe for one second that any shark attack on humans are ”just accidents as humans are not their natural prey”. Bah, I say. Sharks are just mean killing-machines and will eat anything that they can put their saw-like teeth into.

Sharks are not only terrifying and fascinating to rest of the world, Australians themselves have a very special relationship to this grime yet magnificent  creature. So special in fact they have an entire genre of horror-movies featuring this over sized fish. How about ”Sand sharks” where mutated sharks can swim not only in water but also in sand? There are a number of films where sharks have been mutated to fit into the environment, ”Snow Sharks”, ”Swamp Shark” and the new movie for this year ”Sharknado” where a tornado with man-eating sharks is sweeping through California. How about ”Bait”, a movie where a tsunami outside a coastal town in Australia brings a group of sharks into a supermarket where a bunch of shoppers are trapped? There are so many odd movies I’m amazed how it’s even possible to come up with some of the plots: ”Mega shark versus Giant Octopus” and ”versus Crocosaurus”, ”Sharktopus”... just to mention a few. According to my husband there is only one shark movie and that is ”Jaws”. I’ve seen ”Jaws” and some of the sequels too. Is there anyone middle-aged who hasn’t seen ”Jaws” and isn’t familiar with the theme song? It’s enough to hear a few notes to send thrills down my spine.

                                        No, not my genre in movies, not even in 3D

It’s Friday night. I’ve been spending most of the week in my study researching and putting together an essay that is due in one week. I’m very pleased with being ahead of schedule. So pleased actually I will treat myself with a glass of wine in front of the TV. How about a movie? A romantic one, without any man-eating fishes.

My kind of film...